One thing that has been consist in my work with people through SoulCare is the similarities in the stories I hear... most weeks there will be a common theme in all my calls. When this happens, I know there is usually a reason (no coincidences, right?). Sometimes it's an indicator of external forces at work which manifest similarly in many people's life... sometimes it's something I need to explore more in my own SoulCare journey; my clients act as a mirror reflecting back to me an area that needs my attention... sometimes it's something I feel like I should share to my tribe because maybe there's more of you dealing with the same thing and this information could be helpful to us all... most of the time it's a combination of all three.
This week there have been several words come up on every call I have had; discontentment, unsettled, & self-sabotage. Discontentment - Unhappiness caused by the failure of one's hopes, desires, or expectations: disappointment, discontent, disgruntlement, dissatisfaction, letdown, regret.
Unsettled - Lacking stability: not yet resolved.
Self- Sabotage - Behaviors or thought patterns that hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do.
Discontentment, as mentioned above, creeps in once our expectations of the life we thought we were living (or going to live) shatters. Slowly, our hope can begin to slip away and we align ourselves to an Eeyore mindset, in which everything is always going to be bad. Once you begin to lack contentment in your daily life you will become defensive, resentful, negative, and stuck- stuck in the land of the forever unsatisfied fueled by all the "What if's" & "If only's." Once you take up residence in the land of the forever unsatisfied, you begin to look at the world through the lens of disappointment. Our mind is very powerful once you believe something to be true, your mind highlights everything around you to confirm that belief; which is the consciousness of reality concept in psychology. Meaning, if you believe every person in your life is going to let you down, your mind will be quick to make note of all the subtle actions that may or may not mean anything at all, instead of seeing all the ways people are trying to connect with you.
Other Causes of Discontentment
Discontentment can be caused by perfectionism, which is rooted in fear; fear of man, fear of failure, & fear of success. It can also manifest after long periods of being let down by the people who were "supposed" to love you well. Regret is another reason discontentment roots into our soul and takes hold of everything we try to grow/develop.
The feeling of being unsettled is usually how discontentment manifests in our daily lives. When I am in any transitional time in my life, I often feel unsettled. When I am in one of those seasons, I feel like I am in a snow-globe that has been violently shaken; you can't really make out what's up or down until the white-out settles and you can see clearly. I have come to realize that sometimes I am the one swirling and unintentionally the one shaking up the snow globe causing myself unnecessary confusion. Feeling unsettled is not always a bad thing- sometimes it's an indicator that it's time to make a change (or multiple changes) in your life.
Self-sabotage happens when we actively or passively participate in behaviors that move us away from our highest greatest good. The flow-state is a term used in psychology to describe alignment with in our daily actions to who we choose to be in this world. When we are operating in the flow-state, we can face the stressors and obstacles of life without allowing them to take over; causing the swirls or downward spirals. When someone has a pattern of self-sabotage in their life, they often push back against the flow-state and react in a way that causes misalignment; often causing the very things they wish to avoid. Self-sabotage occurs in every area of our lives: career, friendships, romantic relationships, family dynamics, creativity, etc. Where I see self-sabotage manifest the most is in relationships; people that desire connection often go out of their way to push people away (most of the time subconsciously) causing more disconnection, creating more pain, and moving them away from their highest great good and toward more suffering.
People self-sabotage for various reasons which can usually be traced back to a root feeling of not being worthy enough for their deepest desires.
Like almost everything, the primary action step to growth of any kind is to recognize your behaviors that contribute to the patterns in your life and exploring why they are there. Some of the time, all we need is to be made aware of our behaviors because at our core we want what is best for us.
You might find awareness is not enough for you; and that's okay.
Discontentment needs to be explored. Why are you discontent? I have a birthday tradition (read more here) that you can use as a way to measure areas of your life to discover where the discontentment is coming from. Sit with the feeling of discontentment- what is it teaching you? There might be an indicator of things, people, or behaviors you need to add or take away from your life. It could also be a mindset you need renewed. The point is, make the time and sit with all the feelings.
Feeling unsettled can be an indicator of transitional time in your life. If this is the case, begin to ask yourself how you can partner with the transition. What are little ways you can align yourself (emotionally, physically, and spiritually) to the transition occurring; because the transition will occur whether you want it to or not.
Overcoming self-sabotage is a little bit more laborious, but once you are free from it you will not believe how much your life will shift! One way to begin this work is to use a daily mantra like "I am worthy of my wildest dreams." Spend time in meditation seeking alignment in all areas of your life. Surrender to your greatest good and slowly turn away from everything else.
This week I had 4 SoulCare calls/meetings with women describing discontentment in their lives... which forced me to explore my own feelings of dissatisfaction. Women often settle for less in every area of their lives because it was what the generations of women before us did- it's all we know as a collective group. HOWEVER, there is a SHIFT happening;
women everywhere are waking up to their worth (it's a slow wake up we have been asleep for centuries) and our raising the bar in every area of their life!
The greatness in the people I get to work with never ceases to amaze me.
Put down the snow globe that is your/my healing journey
and ROOT yourself so that you can see clearly.
Explore how self-sabotage is showing up in your life. What is your lesson?
Mine, I'm worth so much more than I have been trained to settle for... let the deprogramming begin.
Much Love, Stay Wild
"The Old Story" is a powerful song to listen to when you need to let the story you have been replaying in your mind go once and for all!
Another great Trevor Hall song (I'm on a kick here) to remind you that you have everything you need...